It Was In the Last Place I Looked

This is more of a quick quip about a funny little line we all say...It was in the last place I looked.

Have any of us ever stopped to wonder why our garage door opener, our left shoe, and our well hidden emergency credit card are always in the last place we looked?

If we did we would discover that its in the last place we look because once we find it...We don't have to look for it anymore...

If you are still on the eternal search to find your keys, make sure to look over there...and think before you speak...

God Will Provide

My grandfather was a preacher so I love a good spiritual joke with a moral ending.  Though this is an old one...it a good one.

A small town was starting to flood and a preacher came out of his church and went to see what was going on.  The water was up to his waist when a canoe came by.  The people in the canoe said, "Preacher the town in flooding.  We have room, get in and we can all get to safety."  The preacher shook his head and said, "No need.  You go on and get to dry land. God will provide for me."  The people in the canoe seemed shocked but they couldn't argue with the preacher so they moved on.

A while later the water had moved up to the preachers chest.  About this time a second boat came by.  "Preacher, we have room in our boat.  Please get in so that we can all get to safety," said the people in the boat.  Again, the pastor shook his head and told them to move on, "Don't worry for my safety.  I am a  man of god and god will provide for me during this dire time of need."  The second boat moved on.

The water rose and the preacher started to get nervous but he knew he was a good and decent man.  He wasn't about to let a flood no matter how bad waiver his faith.  The water was at the preachers neck and a third boat came around.  "Preacher, you have to get in the boat!  We are the last people left in town and if you don't come with us you could drown," the boaters said.  Once again the preacher just shook his head and said, "You go on with out me.  You aren't going to waiver my faith.  God will provide for me don't you worry one bit."  The boat moved on, the water continued to rise, and the preacher was washed away. 
The preacher goes to heaven and stands before God.  The preacher says, "God I don't understand.  I always spread your word.  I dedicated my life to you and I lived life right.  Yet in my greatest time of need you didn't provide for me.  Why weren't you there?  What did I do wrong to not deserve your help?" And god said, "Preacher, I sent you three boats.  What more did you want?

When you are giving advice and trying to be supportive and someone whips out the, God will provide, line on you...you will probably just drop the subject.  In your mind  you will probably be thinking well...your arms, legs, and mouth work so God must have given you something.  So, think of the joke above and move on with your day.

On the other hand if you actually find yourself using this saying because you mean it then think of this...

When things get bad a lot of times we get a certain idea of how things should turn out.  We set up scenarios in our mind and convince ourselves that everything has to work out in exactly one way and that if it doesn't then it won't work out at all.  Just because something doesn't fall into your lap or go the way you expect, it doesn't mean that it's not going the way it should.

Most importantly just because we aren't being handed what we want it doesn't mean the people around us aren't worried or don't love us.  Sometimes we are all guilty of not opening our eyes and seeing what has already been provided to us.  If you are able bodied and have an able mind you are already way ahead of most of the population...

Find appreciation in what you have...and always think before you speak...

I Need To Vent!

I need to vent!!!

Those are four words that can save your family, friends and the occasional random stranger a lot of grief if you are looking to unload a lot of emotion in a very short amount of time.  Its a special little free pass that lets all parties involved step out of the situation and not feel the need to be invested in whats about to be said.

We all know what these words mean...stand back and nod your head in agreement while I rant about whatever it is that has me on the verge of exploding and imploding all at the same time. 

These words are only valid if they are said first...  If you start to unload or flip out or whatever it is that you need to do and 10 minutes into it you say, "I just need to vent." It usually doesn't count any more.  If you don't say these words before you start you might as well not say them at all...they lose their magic.

When we unload on someone, normally we are pushing a boat load of emotion, typically negative, onto the person that is listening.  Telling them you need to vent puts up some sort of emotional screen, some type of special protective shield that lets the listener step outside of the situation and not absorb the emotion that you are pushing onto them.

So when the moment comes when you need to get it all out...be considerate to the person in your path...think before you speak...

They Are In A Better Place

In high school I took a class called, Thanatology, a study of death and its surrounding circumstances. One day we covered what not to say to someone who has lost a loved one...and these are the words that effected me the most.

"They are in a better place now," most of us have been guilty of saying this at least once.  When we've said it the grieving party has nodded their head in agreement, perhaps spoke a few more words to us and then turned to the next person in a line of people all waiting to tell them pretty much the same thing, that their loved one, "Is in a better place now".

Most mean well by saying these words but, those on the receiving end are usually tired, worn down, and riding an emotional roller coaster .  There is no one who wants to trade places with them and not many that can actually console them.

Take heed in your words and ask yourself some honest questions...

Who is in a better place?  Is it the grandmother, mother, sister, aunt, wife, or daughter that has passed?  Is it the grandfather, father, brother, uncle, husband, or son gone to a better place?

No matter the religion, spirituality, or beliefs...in grief, we are all selfish.  We deserve to be.

If someone you love is gone there is no better place for them to be than standing next to you.  No more glorious spot than standing on the other end of the phone line waiting to pick up your call. There is absolutely no better place for a loved one than home safe and right where you expect them to be.

If you have to speak, extend your condolences and move out of the way so the next person can do the same.  For those in morning it is usually your actions that are more important than your words. Bring them food so they don't forget to eat.  When they speak give them your full attention and nod in understanding.  Hold them for a few seconds too long when you hug them goodbye.

In dealing with grief caution is required...so think before you speak...

What Doesn't Kill Us...

What doesn't kill us...only makes us stronger...

This is a saying that has perpetually annoyed me for years.  How many times has your world been falling apart.  You lose a loved one, lose your job, or everything is just generally going to shit.  Searching you find a person who you feel comfortable enough to confide in.  You poor out your lament and wait for some words of wisdom, sympathy, or maybe just a bit of comfort.  But instead for your emotional investment you receive the words, "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger."

For anyone who has been told this in a time of need you know that it feels more like a total cop out.  If what is going on is really bad it comes off like a kick in the teeth.  Its not comforting and there isn't a lot of people who are made to feel better by being told this.

There are two types of people who dole out this advise.  The first has had a relatively calm life without much turmoil so when they mutter the phrase they honestly think they are helping in some way.  What these people really want to say is, "Wow, that sucks so bad for you I don't even know what to say because I have absolutely nothing in my life that compares to that in any way."

The second type are those who have really had a rough way to go of it in life...or at least think that they have.  They say it because in their minds what you are saying doesn't even hold a candle to what they have been through and they can't even muster empathy for you.  What they really want to say is, "You have no idea how bad it can get so please stop talking to me because I honestly don't want to hear it."

If you honestly can't think of anything better to say than our phrase of the day simply say that you don't know what to say that you wish you did but you are simply at a loss.  Sometimes it better just to say you don't know what to say than throwing out a worn out phrase that's been regurgitated since the beginning of time.

In the end what doesn't kill us only scars us.  It changes us in ways that we may not recognize or that may not become apparent right away but any strength that comes from these crucial moments in our lives is worth far more than a turn of phrase. 

If you truly feel that you are in a situation that warrants giving this advise...stop for a moment, give some consideration and think before you speak...