They Are In A Better Place

In high school I took a class called, Thanatology, a study of death and its surrounding circumstances. One day we covered what not to say to someone who has lost a loved one...and these are the words that effected me the most.

"They are in a better place now," most of us have been guilty of saying this at least once.  When we've said it the grieving party has nodded their head in agreement, perhaps spoke a few more words to us and then turned to the next person in a line of people all waiting to tell them pretty much the same thing, that their loved one, "Is in a better place now".

Most mean well by saying these words but, those on the receiving end are usually tired, worn down, and riding an emotional roller coaster .  There is no one who wants to trade places with them and not many that can actually console them.

Take heed in your words and ask yourself some honest questions...

Who is in a better place?  Is it the grandmother, mother, sister, aunt, wife, or daughter that has passed?  Is it the grandfather, father, brother, uncle, husband, or son gone to a better place?

No matter the religion, spirituality, or beliefs...in grief, we are all selfish.  We deserve to be.

If someone you love is gone there is no better place for them to be than standing next to you.  No more glorious spot than standing on the other end of the phone line waiting to pick up your call. There is absolutely no better place for a loved one than home safe and right where you expect them to be.

If you have to speak, extend your condolences and move out of the way so the next person can do the same.  For those in morning it is usually your actions that are more important than your words. Bring them food so they don't forget to eat.  When they speak give them your full attention and nod in understanding.  Hold them for a few seconds too long when you hug them goodbye.

In dealing with grief caution is required...so think before you speak...